Preposterous Quotes – Worry

 

Actually, worry is a PERFECT use of imagination. In fact, it may be the most evolutionarily sound reason to have an imagination at all! The ability to “predict the future” accurately as it relates to potential dangers and obstacles is incredibly valuable, and that’s what imagining is! How else could we planfully navigate the world? 

Of course, lots of other wonderful and more pleasant uses for imagination. And overusing imagination to predict dangers/obstacles that are highly unlikely can be problematic. (That does happen quite a bit – in fact, in clients with GAD, 92+% of worries don’t materialize!) And catastrophizing… usually not helpful. 

But I have found that it can be helpful to clients who struggle with worry to both learn why their worry (in realistic quantity) is valuable, as well as learning to harness their imaginations for other productive and pleasant purposes! 

 

 

 

 

Preposterous Quote – New Years

 

New year’s day – or any day of our lives – is not the beginning of a new book. It might, maybe, possibly be the beginning of a new page or a new chapter (although why that would happen exactly on this particular day of the year baffles me!). But we can’t escape the fact that pages, and chapters, and VOLUMES have already been written (in our own lives, yes. And we are also chapters and pages in the lives of many other books, past and present!). We are the same characters that we were on the last page, and thank goodness for that continuity! Otherwise, how would we actually learn, grow, and change?

You can’t be the hero of a story that starts today. But you ARE the hero in the story you’re a part of. Take all those pages, read them carefully, then author your next pages well.   

 

 

 

 

Preposterous Quote – Plans

 

Frankly, this seems like a great way to alienate people and to accomplish less than you’re capable of. 

First, research is clear that sharing your individual goals (even if you don’t want help with them) improves outcomes, especially if you tell a friend or mentor. 

Second, other people can offer all kinds of support -not just encouragement and emotional support, but instrumental and tangible support! 

Third, the people who are going to be pleased by seeing your results are probably the people you want to tell, who want to help you. The people you don’t want to tell – unhelpful jerks? – aren’t going to be impressed. They’re still going be jerks.

Could we just change this one to say “Don’t tell unhelpful jerks your plans?” 

 

 

 

 

Preposterous Quote – Rules for life


These always get me riled up…


  1. Let all of your experiences influence your future… lessons learned are valuable, and ignoring them is just as likely as not to earn you repeated negative experiences. 
  2. Surround yourself with healthy, supportive people and absolutely listen to them. Your relationships are the foundation of a satisfying and productive life. Don’t alienate important others by ignoring their opinions. 
  3. Time can dull some things, but especially painful things – unprocessed – get worse with time rather than better. Regarding things like loss and grief, assume that you need to make a place for that in your life, rather than “getting over it.” 
  4. Social comparison is important – it is one of the main ways that we manage out behavior in order to be acceptable to society and generally keep things running. Competition, when you are able to admire or be inspired by those who are “better” than you, is a valuable experience in teaching you which goals you might want to pursue and how to go about improving. Comparing yourself only to yourself is a dangerous game… closed systems accumulate errors and self-destruct. 
  5. Being calm is generally more effective than being all worked up, except when your accurate anxiety can motivate you to prepare for danger, your accurate fear can motivate you to move away from danger, your accurate anger can motivate you to rectify injustice, your accurate disgust can motivate you to move away from bad influences, etc… Also, the only thing the passing of time advances by itself is your age. It doesn’t inherently help you figure things out, get wise, make better decisions, improve any skills, etc. 
  6. That level of internal locus of control is inappropriate and inaccurate. Though I am the FIRST person to say that other people and/or circumstances don’t MAKE YOU FEEL, and that most people have more control over their internal, emotional experiences than they believe they do, ignoring reality-based external stimuli is not a good recipe for functioning well in the world, building an environment that supports your growth, etc. 
  7. Smile, Frown, Laugh, Cry… Your life is meaningful and valuable even when it’s not happy or traditionally “enjoyable.” Feel free to be present for all of it. 

Comment below and give us a HEALTHY “Life Rule,” if there is such a thing! 

 

 

 

Preposterous Quote – Regret


Um… sort of.

First of all, after people make choices, they can frame the choice event in terms of what they chose, or in terms of what they did not choose (Valenti & Libby, 2017).

Second, the research is a little more nuanced than that. Yes, “inaction” regrets last longer and are accompanied by a stronger feeling of loss. (Also, we’re more likely to regret non-fixable than fixable situations, and women are more likely to have relationship-related regrets while men are more likely to have work-related regrets. Sorry, I hate it when research supports “stereotypes,” too!) (Morrison & Roese, 2011)

Second, to the degree that we regret more the choices we didn’t make, it’s sort of because of a cognitive fallacy. When we make a “safe” decision and it turns out well, we’re happy with the outcome. When we then find out (or even imagine!) alternative outcomes that would have been better (this is called counterfactual thinking), we feel regret (that is, regret for the thing we “didn’t do” that would have led to the better outcome) and view our own, positive outcome less positively. (Seta et al., 2015)

When we make a “risky” decision and it turns out well, we are both happy with the outcome and relieved that it didn’t turn out badly. When we make a risky decision that turns out badly, we’re unhappy with the outcome, but more likely to use the information for: 

  1. making sense of the world
  2. avoiding future negative behaviors
  3. gaining insight
  4. achieving social harmony
  5. improving ability to approach desired opportunities (presumably because we regret past passivity) (Saffrey et al., 2008)

Add all of that to hindsight bias, and this whole subject is a real mess! 

 

 

Morrison, M., & Roese, N. J. (2011). Regrets of the typical American: Findings from a nationally representative sample. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 2(6), 576–583. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550611401756

Saffrey, C., Summerville, A., & Roese, N. J. (2008). Praise for regret: People value regret above other negative emotions. Motivation and emotion, 32(1), 46–54. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-008-9082-4

Seta, C. E., Seta, J. J., Petrocelli, J. V., & McCormick, M. (2015). Even better than the real thing: Alternative outcome bias affects decision judgements and decision regret. Thinking & Reasoning, 21(4), 446–472. https://doi.org/10.1080/13546783.2015.1034779

Valenti, G., & Libby, L. K. (2017). Considering roads taken and not taken: How psychological distance influences the framing of choice events. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 43(9), 1239–1254. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167217711916

 

 

 

 

 

Preposterous Quotes – Winners

 

I have so many issues with this. 

Even to keep the same basic meaning, it should probably say something like “Winners are not people who never fail, but people who don’t quit until they win and then quit immediately.” Otherwise, they very likely turn into “losers” again very soon, when conditions aren’t perfect or someone else comes along who outperforms them.

Also, winners quit a lot of things – anyone who pursues everything equally doesn’t win much, if at all. We have to choose to quit most things in order to give our time, attention, effort, etc. to something we might win at. 

How worthwhile is “winning,” anyway?!

 

Comment below and Fix This Quote! 

 

 

 

 

PreposterousQuotes – BeYourself

I’m sure they meant this to be nice, but I don’t think they read it.

What a horrible reason to be yourself! Not that you are infinitely unique and valuable. Not that you have tons of creative and productive potential that no one else has. Literally, this says it’s too bad you couldn’t be any one else (implication – anyone else would be better), so you might as well be you (that’s the only choice you’ve got, so settle for being you). YUCK! 

Dr. Seuss does it better: Today You are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You! 

Carl Rogers does it WAY better: “People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don’t find myself saying, ‘Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner.’ I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Preposterous Quote – Moon

WARNING: PREPOSTEROUS QUOTE AHEAD!

No. No. No. If you shoot for the moon and miss, you’ll actually burn up in the atmosphere as you fall back to earth. This is a great (missed) opportunity for a cautionary tale… if you’re going to shoot for the moon (i.e., set a goal) and you don’t prepare well or have a good takeoff, you’re in for an unhappy ending. 

If we must use the metaphor, we need to shoot for the stars (i.e., have enough planning and motivation to get to the goal, preferably), on a trajectory that passes near to the moon (i.e., subgoals that would be valuable in and of themselves, in case we change course or run out of fuel), and with adequate resources (e.g., provisions and gear to last awhile, communications with support systems) so that if we shoot for the stars we may land on the moon and at least survive for awhile. 

 

 

 

Preposterous Quote – Be Patient

CAUTION! Preposterous Quote Ahead!

Actually violates the physical law of entropy. Left alone, with just your patience, all things disintegrate, they don’t integrate. Even for things to maintain their integrity or the status quo, they have to be intentionally maintained. True for the universe writ large, but certainly true for your internal systems and relationships. If you want things to come together, patience is a nice foundation for the work you need to be doing with self compassion in yourself and your environment!

Comment with your improved version!

 

 

 

 

Preposterous Quote – No Limits

CAUTION! PREPOSTEROUS QUOTE AHEAD!

OF COURSE there are limits on what you can accomplish! There are limits associated with the natural world, limits associated with the power you have to impact your environment, limits to your own neurology, limits to your current level of functioning and talent, limits because you can’t accomplish multiple things if they are contradictory or have to be prioritized.

Thinking you have no limits is literally delusional!

How about this? Learn your limits, and encourage yourself to stretch a little past today’s limits in a valued, valuable area.

Comment with your improved version!